Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an ***** every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an ***** again. So I got some tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Dave.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face"